


What If I Can't Touch You

by MarmeLady_Orange



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-28
Updated: 2013-09-28
Packaged: 2017-12-27 20:44:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/983399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MarmeLady_Orange/pseuds/MarmeLady_Orange
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jensen promised Danneel that he would never give into his attraction to Misha. The writers on the show certainly didn't know that....</p>
            </blockquote>





	What If I Can't Touch You

That could not be happening. He honestly thought that it would never come to this, like, ever, but there it was. Black ink on white paper. Sentences, words and letters that should have made sense, but that somehow just didn't This was not something he could deal with. Not now, and probably not ever. 

It could have happened for real, a while ago, but it never did because he himself couldn't. Too much was at stake, and most importantly his own marriage. He loved his wife, so very much, and this was why he could never be unfaithful to her. Just the thought of losing her was enough to help him forget. Or at least try to. He still had the temptation existing in his vicinity on a regular basis, working closely with him, on and off the set. So, to be honest, he wasn't as much forgetting as trying to ignore. 

Looking at the page again, he shivered. A confusing mix of want, fear, frustration and elation. He wondered how his colleague was feeling after reading this? Would he be annoyed, or just ecstatic? Maybe neither, maybe he would just be seeing this as another chapter in their characters's stories, nothing to write home to momma! 

But he doubted that, somehow. Not after all these years of sexual tension, tension that could never be relieved and that had been bleeding through the tv screens for years now. They both had admitted their attraction to each other. He had even talked about it to his wife, somehow expecting that she would give him the green light to go and explore. 

That was a bust, but only because she KNEW. She had seen them together, on screen and in her own damn kitchen. Even she could feel the power between the two men, the heat when they were close. She was not a jealous person, usually, and she could have been open to letting her husband dip his toes in this untapped sexual pool. But not with HIM. She was afraid that if he tasted this other man, he just would never have enough. 

And she told him the truth, the brutal truth. It was dangerous, he could have rebelled and decided to go against her wishes out of spite, but she had to do it. And he understood, and promised he would not give in. And she believed him, because she was just that good of a woman. She could still see the stares, the smiles, the games they would play for their fans or each other, but at least she knew he would keep his word to her. 

The words were dancing on the pages and making less and less sense. He had to do something. Refusing to do the scene would only cause problems in the long run. People would come to know, and he would be severely judged for it. And he would not be able to explain why he didn't want to do it. He could never tell the world he didn't do it because he wanted it too damn much! 

He picked his phone from the side table and went through his contacts slowly, needing to talk to someone but not sure who it should be. He knew he had to call his wife, and fast, but he was dreading that conversation too much to start with her. He could call Jay and invite him to his trailer to talk things over, that was his job as a best friend. But it still wasn't right. His mom, dad or siblings were out of the question as well, they didn't even know... 

He knew who he had to call, he was only delaying it. Not as awkward a conversation as with his wife, but close. He found his name and selected it, while sending a short prayer to the heavens that he wouldn't answer. 

\- Hello? answered a tired voice. 

\- Hey Mish... it's me, hum... Jen. Did I wake you? 

\- Hi Jen. No, just finished meditating. Just being mellow, you know? 

\- Oh, ok. 

He stopped talking, not knowing what to say, where to start, how to... 

\- I take that you've read the script for episode 12? said Misha, very quietly, almost hushing through the phone. 

\- Yeah... and there's the production meeting about it tomorrow. 

\- And I guess you're not happy...? 

\- It has nothing to do with happy, Jensen replied quickly. You know what my situation is. 

\- I know, sorry, didn't mean it like that. Did you tell Danni yet?

\- No... thought I'd talk to you first.

\- To say what? Want us to refuse this storyline?

He doesn't respond, even though he knew he should, and even knew what to say.

\- Jen, Misha insisted, if that's what you want, I'll back you up. Even if I don't think that would be the best thing to do.

\- No, I know. We have to do this. But... Mish... I'm scared.

Misha breathed some kind of laughter on the other end of the line. Jensen knew he was not being mocked, they had had that same conversation before, when intimate scenes between Dean and Cas weren't even a possibility. He had said the same thing to Misha then, how it would scare him to have a kissing scene with him.

Because they couldn't kiss, or anything else for that matter. Not ever. Well, technically, Misha could since his marriage appeared to have different rules. Or maybe Misha wasn't in any danger of totally falling in love with Jensen. Jensen could very well fall in love with Misha... and maybe he already was a little. But without the physical aspects of it, he could manage. He was scared to death that a single kiss would make him tumble over and fall, fall, fall...

\- Still there Jen? Misha asked softly.

\- Huh, yup. Sorry. There's not much to say I guess then, is there?

\- Indeed, not much to say. If we're lucky, that'll be the only scene ever where we're shown being somewhat intimate. 'Cause, as you know, it's not that kind of show.

Jensen's heart clenched at these words. Only one scene. One. That should have made him feel better, and it kind of did, but with some bitter after-taste.

\- One scene. And being the great actors that we are, we’ll just have to make it in one take. You think you can muster that? said Jensen, a bit too brightly.

\- If they keep Jay far from the set, that could be done. But we'll really need to be AMAZING actors for this.

\- Well, it's not like we haven't thought...

\- No, I mean, we'll have to be... hum... less into it, I guess that's the right way to put it.

\- Oh, yeah, I know what you mean, said Jensen, feeling his cheeks flush at the thought.

\- I'll do my best to subdue my amazing sex-appeal so you don't fall crazy in love with me, breathed Misha before laughing wholeheartedly.

\- Mish, please, don't... said Jensen, then swallowed heavily.

\- Please laugh about this Jen. Don't torture yourself over a stupid kiss. It's not cheating, it's work, you're a fucking actor, man! So, act damnit! And give some credit to this magnificent wife of yours. She certainly can tell the difference. How about you?

Jensen knew that even if the words sounded harsh, they were laced with warmth.

\- That's what I'm afraid of Mish... I know it won't be US kissing, but them, Dean and Cas. Still, it's MY lips, and YOUR lips...

\- I know. It'll be ok, you'll see. We'll get over it.

You might but I'm not sure I will, thought Jensen, without saying it out loud. This conversation could go on forever, going round and round. He knew he was reacting like some kind of a drama queen (hah!) but couldn’t help it.

He could hear Misha's soft breathing in his ear, on the phone. It was as if the man was standing next to him, so close, breathing down his neck. Jensen's breath staggered a bit when his hand went down to his crotch to try and calm the sensations dropping to his dick. No! No palming of the junk with the guy on the line, it'd be the end of his sanity... or, what was left of it anyways.

\- Jen, I know you're still there, can hear you breathing. Is there anything else you think we should talk about?

\- Well, no, I don't think so... what? Do you?

\- No, was merely asking. Seriously Jen, try and relax about this, talk to Danni and all will be ok.

\- Yeah, I have to call her. Thanks man, really. Sorry for being overly dramatic here.

\- No worries... why do you think I was meditating?

Jensen laughed at that, suddenly relieved to know he wasn't the only one to have issues with Dean and Castiel's upcoming relationship status.

\- See you later Mish. I'll need to be on set soon.

\- Have fun then. And relax! See you tomorrow buddy.

And Misha had hung up... Jensen stared at his phone for about a minute, trying to even out his breathing before searching through his contacts for a new number.

There it was... Home... All he had to do was select it and press to call.

He waited. Not for long, about 10 seconds, but it felt like 10 minutes.

Right after the first ring, she answered. Her voice, so warm, so happy, it tugged right at his heart.

He knew then that they would be alright.


End file.
